I loved your family. Still do mostly. Even with all the crazy that is. This wasn't their fault. But what is their fault is that they only got your side of the story. The saying goes, "There are two sides to a story." And I had the decency to keep my family out if it till January.
Running to mommy every time we had a problem isn't the way to go. Hell running to anyone in your family when there is a problem between us, shows your lack of maturity. It's not their business and your mother has some issues keeping her mouth shut. I'm not saying that she isn't nice to talk to or anything but you really shouldn't be talking to anyone of consequence about private matters. And our relationship was a private matter.
I don't even feel like I can elaborate on this topic because it's almost too inappropriate to discuss my thoughts or feelings. As much as I would like to rip you into pieces and tell you all my thoughts on this topic, I can't. Or won't rather because I'm better than that. And it doesn't matter; it's kind of a package deal. And you've tainted every relationship I had in that house. That's why I stayed away. Would you want to be around people who looked at you differently? Do you even realize that we've (my mom and I) have kept so much from my dad because we don't want to ruin that relationship between you two. I don't want to ruin that because it isn't fair to either of you.
But mostly I want to tell you what a piece of shit you are for hurting me. If it had been someone else who did that to me you would have killed him. So, where does that put you? Where do you compare on those standards? How do you justify it?
I feel like you've given up. I left January and that was it mostly. I feel like you treated me like I was disposable. If something bad had happened to you when you were hurt at work, I would have left within the hour. You fight for what you want. And after everything that happened, I didn't want you and I still don't. But it's mostly because I'm still hurting. I can't forget all the awful things you said and I'm still working on forgiving. I've gotten over most of it by blocking it out. All I remember is the pain anymore. And that stunt you pulled in the car, barely affected me. That asshole who used to rape and beat me, pulled shit like that. You fucking pussy. Be a man and deal with things in an adult manor.
I don't know how to fix this gaping wound in my chest that no one can fix. I haven't found anyone worthy of a relationship but I'm also afraid to get close to anyone ever again. So while the opportunity presented itself, I couldn't do it. I don't want to be close to people because of you.
And I know you can't hook up with anyone without it meaning something. So I know you've moved on. Or you're trying to make me jealous or one up me. I should hope that it is not your goal to affect me and that I'm being mildly self centered. If your goal is to bug me, it won't work.
--I don't like feeling like this--
